Arie Belle Blog

* Disclaimer - some profane language  * This poem is about all of us girls who have had eating disorders. Myself included. It is a struggle, one that I have still been working on to fully overcome. Because its not easy to love yourself when you always compare yourself to others. I hope that if you are struggling with an eating disorder you can find help and learn to heal and grow healthier both mentally and physically. And if you are someone that struggles, yet hasn't reached out for help. I want to let you know you can always message me for advice or just to talk about it.  For her its a nightmare. she sits at the table, a full plate in front of her. Eating the first meal of the day even though its already 4 She thinks to herself, I've got exactly 45 minutes  before its too late. When the calories sink in, and I start to gain weight. To anyone else she's perfect. But in the mirror she sees a different story. She hates everything about...

I feel stuck as if my body has been struck by a thousand pound truck. Numb to the world around me I want to be present, but I can't move I can't get up. My body is there I can see it. I watch, my chest slowly rising and falling timid breaths they are. In a dream like state I feel as if I am drowning in a wave of sadness emptiness loneliness. It crashes into me washing everything else away my smile, my happiness my laughter. and turns me blue, With self-doubt, and depression. I want to be happy I cry but I can't. I feel as if no one cares about me even though I know some do. But they are so far away no one is here here with me no one can reach me to comfort me from the fear. no one can catch me when I fall, and wipe away my tears I feel as if inside of an internal prison. Yelling from within but you can't hear me. You don't know that I need you. And I don't know how to tell you. I don...

Here I come Provo, Today is the last day living on the East Coast for the next 6 months! I can't believe its already here and tomorrow is the beginning of my cross country road trip to Utah. You know life likes to throw you all sorts of directions, and the plans we make get torn apart and we have to reevaluate our lives and come up with something completely different then originally anticipated. Like this whole moving to Utah thing... not what I had in mind for my life right now. I used to say I will never move to Utah, I will never live in Utah, I cannot stand living in Utah. And what ends up happening? I choose  to move to Utah and not just Utah... but Provo, UT. The home of BYU, the land of the LDS. Everything I thought I would never want for a place to live ever, even if it was just six months. My life plan was to go on a mission, and you know I got pretty close to accomplishing that goal, I turned my papers in, I met with all the leaders that I needed to meet with, and I got...