Arie Belle Blog

* Disclaimer - some profane language  * This poem is about all of us girls who have had eating disorders. Myself included. It is a struggle, one that I have still been working on to fully overcome. Because its not easy to love yourself when you always compare yourself to others. I hope that if you are struggling with an eating disorder you can find help and learn to heal and grow healthier both mentally and physically. And if you are someone that struggles, yet hasn't reached out for help. I want to let you know you can always message me for advice or just to talk about it.  For her its a nightmare. she sits at the table, a full plate in front of her. Eating the first meal of the day even though its already 4 She thinks to herself, I've got exactly 45 minutes  before its too late. When the calories sink in, and I start to gain weight. To anyone else she's perfect. But in the mirror she sees a different story. She hates everything about...

I feel stuck as if my body has been struck by a thousand pound truck. Numb to the world around me I want to be present, but I can't move I can't get up. My body is there I can see it. I watch, my chest slowly rising and falling timid breaths they are. In a dream like state I feel as if I am drowning in a wave of sadness emptiness loneliness. It crashes into me washing everything else away my smile, my happiness my laughter. and turns me blue, With self-doubt, and depression. I want to be happy I cry but I can't. I feel as if no one cares about me even though I know some do. But they are so far away no one is here here with me no one can reach me to comfort me from the fear. no one can catch me when I fall, and wipe away my tears I feel as if inside of an internal prison. Yelling from within but you can't hear me. You don't know that I need you. And I don't know how to tell you. I don...

I thought I loved him. But really I only loved the Thought of him. I was empty and alone, searching for some sort of happiness for some type of escape. And there he was, so enticing and charming. He drew me in. I thought he cared about me, that he was really there for me. But we were both just using each other for momentary happiness some fake feelings of bliss. I was addicted to the way he kissed my neck and caressed my skin. He was my drug of choice my ecstasy, my high. But every night  I was alone again starring at the ceiling with that same old empty feeling. There was no love between us. Just a poisonous Lust, the everlasting search for momentary happiness. I wanted love so badly that I settled for its counterfeit. He left me broken with no hope of finding true love. But I've learned a thing or two since him. I don't need him. I am not alone. I am worth it. I come from a society that  tells women we ...

Sometimes you forget about your past for awhile, you forget that so many things used to be wrong and crazy, and you forget how miserable life used to be because life is so sweet now.  But then there are those moments when you reach into the basket and fish something out  that in an instant brings you back to a moment,  to a feeling, to a memory that happened over two years ago.  I reached into that basket and out of it I pulled an old notebook A notebook that I wrote nasty letters to my parents where I made lists of the reasons I should run away and where I blamed them for my problems It was a notebook filled with hate and with confusion. Oh how blind I was, I was traversing down a path of stupidity, ditching my own family for another without thinking twice. I was being brainwashed by my lover, who would tell me what I should say and why I should leave He made me think my parents were the enemy How could I have believed him? ...

Just think about this.