October 4th 2011

That night I slept better then I had in weeks,

For the first time in days I hadnt stayed up worrying,

crying, and thinking about how bad everything was.

That night I felt peacefulness in my soul,

I felt at ease. 

Six a.m. the following morning I awoke,

I awoke to two strangers in my door way,

and my parents hiding in the hall behind them.

Someone said to get dressed quickly.

I did as I was told,

I was not afraid of them, even though you would be.

There was an older man, and a mid-twenties girl

The man was ex-military, either navy or marines 

The girl was his daughter. 

I guess "kidnapping" was a family business to them.

The girl stayed in the room while I got dressed

She told me not to bring anything important with me,

I did anyways,

I brought my engagement ring, the matching necklace,

a journal and a pen. 

and that was all I had as I walked out my front door

never to return it seemed.

Yet as this sudden event occurred I barely spoke,

I didn't fight it, 

I was calm and just did as they said.

No questions asked.

As I walked out the door into the cool October morning,

I wondered what was going to happen to me,

where was I going,

as I climbed into their truck the sadness hit me.

I was being taken away.

Away from my home, 

away from my boyfriend, the love of my life,

away from my family,

away from my friends

away

I sat in the back seats and curled up in a ball,

I tried my best not to cry,

I didn't want to make any noise

I didn't want these people to talk to me

the tears started rolling down my cheeks,

but I pushed back the sobs in my throat.

They told me we were on our way to the airport,

and made a little small talk with me,

whenever I answered them I would try and sound tough,

and hide the whimpers in my voice

They told me I was going to Utah,

Utah,

Utah's not so bad, 

maybe I'm going to live with some family,

maybe I was on my way to live with my Aunt Sophia,

maybe this wouldnt be so bad.

He parked the truck,

I dried the tears on my cheeks and took a deep breath

when I got out, they asked me if I was going to run

I said no

they walked close to me anyways

As we went through security I tried to stay calm

to stop the tears from falling

I didn't want people to stare

I didn't want to look weak

I didn't want to look scared

But I was scared, I was weak,

I was about ready to fall apart and scream,

I was being taken,

and to Utah, but I didn't know where

I didn't know with who,

It was all unknown

The ex-military man asked me if I was hungry

I wasn't

there was just a ball of fear in my stomach

he bought me ice cream anyways

He tried to talk to me,

he could tell I was scared and alone

He asked if I had a best friend or boyfriend

that I wanted to send a text message to

So I texted my boyfriend,

told him I was leaving and to leave my parents alone

The man wasn't suppose to let me do that

it was against kidnapping protocol

All I knew when I boarded the plane,

was, I was on my way to Utah

No idea what for, and what I'd be doing

and that two redneck strangers were following me

everywhere I went

I was their captive

I had to sit in-between them,

I hate sitting in the middle.

The man told me I was the nicest person he's ever taken

I guess unlike the rest of them I didn't run

I didn't fight

I didn't cuss

or scream

and I didn't get put in handcuffs

I was the only one to not be "arrested" on a plane

when he transported teenagers

I could tell he felt bad for me

I saw the pity in his eyes

that made it worse

Why was I being taken away

why did my parents hate me

what did I do so wrong?

But I knew, I knew I was guilty

I knew I needed help

The man finally told me where I was going

Wilderness

Outback

The middle of nowhere in Utah

hiking 

for at least 6 weeks

therapy

a place to reconnect with myself

with my family

with God

to forgive

to be forgiven

fresh start.

October 4th 2011

Is the day I was sent to wilderness. It was the most life changing even that has ever happened to me, and I wouldn't change it for anything, It made me a better person, and was the beginning of a journey of redemption and forgiveness and becoming myself again. I honestly think that every teenager struggling with depression, anxiety, bad relationship, drug use, addiction, self-worth issues, and any other problem, wilderness will change your perspective and you'll find yourself, you will become more confident. 

I am so thankful that my parents sent me away, I needed a new start, I needed to be shocked to be able to realize what I had been doing wrong, I needed that slap in the face. I am so thankful for my family, and for nature, and for the people who helped me along the way. 

Life sometimes brings us things that we never foresaw happening, but you have to take it for what it is, and try your best through all your trials. Your trials are what make your strong, never give up hope, never give up on yourself. Everyone can change. No matter how far down you go down the wrong path, you can always turn around and walk back the way you came from, and start over.

Read about my journey here:

http://ariebelleblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/october-4th-2011-wilderness.html

http://ariebelleblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/new-life-new-time-new-me.html

with love,

Arianna