Arie Belle Blog

i like them both!  which one is your favorite?

We took it to fast to far to say the least i was in over my head and didnt know what i wanted everything thing that happened the good the bad and the ugly was all too much for me at the time i couldnt tell how bad things were going but i could tell that i wasnt happy but the thing is i said i was but i was lying trying to cover up the sadness that was consuming me all i wanted was for you to be happy to not feel the way you did i made my mistakes and i know that i know that i hurt you and i am sorry for that but i was hurt too and you know that too its hard to understand and i know because it took me 8 months to realize everything that was going on i wish you could see my way and i wish i could see yours but what happened happened and its over now that was a good time running but we were running to fast and to far we were running towards the cliffs to the edge and to the end it couldnt have lasted we were both so

So in wilderness which is where i was from October to December we had to make ourselves fire to eat and to keep warm and this is how it is done! :)  I was also given a token called vital fire symbolizing the fire burning within my eyes for hope and a future life and also because i was the best girl at making fire.  ♥

12-15-12 My first day at Boarding school Standing, searching for hope for anything to ease the pain, the pain of being alone day by day the loneliness grows lost in a world thats not my own which will never be my home i miss the warm wind and the frogs and the freedom of exploring In a years time nothing will be the same and i'm wondering if home will even be home Its scary to think about reality because i havent known a free life in so long or will they avoid the new me only time will tell

12-4-12 Sitting alone, crouched on the ground letting the wind flow through my body Thinking of the past sends the tears out my eyes I'm trying to scream, to yell but theres no sound the scars of the past have yet to heal the wounds are just much to real My heart was torn, then torn again when it had finally healed over  The wound of now and the wound of the past are now open on my bare red flesh the blue blood races out red, weaving a river across my body My stomach has turned into a tight nite knot. I'm running from the pain trying not to get caught trying to fake a smile and wear it around trying to hold the water inside my hazel eyes trying to forget and let go but i just fall down so i sit down on the cold dark ground. 

Wilderness was a really tough spot for me, and this is something i wrote while i was in wilderness about prayer. I learned that praying really helped me get through though sh*t, I talked to God as if he was right next to me, i told him all my stuggles and frustrations, i cried to him and with him, i asked him directly for help, for hope, for forgiveness, for acceptance, for love and for strength. God was my only friend at the time, he was the only one i felt safe with talking to. I wish we could truly, undeniably know that he exsists and that he loves every single person on earth no matter what. I wish everyone felt his love, and i wish people didnt blame him. Life is life and God doesnt control it, he just puts everything here to see how we handle it. Life is all a matter of choices that we all make on a daily basis, its a test with no real "right" or "wrong" answers. with love, Arianna 

Ahhhhhhhh, sitting in my own house, listening to my music, playing with my dogs in person. I havent done this stuff in soooo long, life has been so crazy, so many crazy stories, but oh gosh it feels amazing to be home, it feels perfect, and i am loving every single second of it. Its my second day back but yesterday was so busy and so much fun! I hadnt slept in 48 hours until last night and oohh how amazing it was to sleep in my own bed... :) Seeing friends and people i know is sooo crazy and so surreal, it feels different but at the same time its like i never ever left because things went back to normal so quickly! I've been fixing my facebook, and emails, and all the things that i havent been on in the last year! Facebook is sooo different, and i dont really like all the crazy changes theyve made but some of them are really cool. Oh how i have missed just being on facebook and looking at peoples faces that i havent seen in so long! More will come!