New Life, New Time, New Me

Life has been pretty crazy, i must admit. But Life has been so amazing! I went from being depressed and on the edge of a steep cliff. In october i left and its been about 10 months since i've been home. I have learned so much on this journey i have been on and my journey is not over yet.

At first when i went to wilderness i was in denial about alot of things. As you can tell by my post called "runaway" that i was upset with my parents, and at that time i hated them. But i have come SOAR from there. I LOVE MY PARENTS SOOO MUCH!  And i am so glad that my feelings towards them have changed and that we have come to a much better. I was in denial about the way i was living my life which at the time of before i got sent away was not the best, i was going agaisnt everything i believed inside and i was justifying all my actions, I was in a really bad place. I didnt know what i was doing and i didnt know how to help myself either.

So the main reason/THE reason i got sent away is because i was in a really unhealthy relationship. Which took my like 5 months to really figure out and to move on from and get over. I knew inside while in that relationship that something was wrong, that it didnt feel right but i convinced myself that i was wrong to feel like it wasnt right and i convinced myself everything was okay when it wasn't. In wilderness i was in such a big case of denial about my relationship, i thought it was perfect, that i wanted to be with him over my family, over any one, over God which is not what i ever wanted a relationship to be like. A relationship is supposed to be sweet, loving, where you are two INDEPENDENT people who work together. My relationship was so stressful, and my body started to break down and i got sick all the time and i couldnt focus, i put him before myself when i should be the person that comes first to me. So much was wrong and i cant believe i couldnt see all the red flags. I wish that i could go back in time and bonk myself in the head and say "get out fast" but i couldnt see it because i was blinded by all the false truths that i told myself to make it seem okay to be in that relationship.

So after about 5 months i finally realized how bad it all really was, yeah it took my 5 months to realize everything that was wrong before i left and to start to fix things and accept myself and my past mistakes. But after i figured out and accepted my mistakes and started to change into a different person then the girl i was before i left.
I became my true self again, a girl whose independent and strong and loving and happy and is always smiling and laughing and having a good time. I've become a strong leader and i've grown to know how to help myself in ways that i never knew about before. I learned coping skills to help me out when times get tough. Me and my family love eachother so much! And I am so happy to have them in my life and that they never gave up on me and that they gave me a second chance at life to restart everything and go on a new course.

Life has definently been hard, alot of tears, alot of anger, guilt and shame that i had to go through to get to the other side which was happiness. But everything was worth it, and i am so glad that i got a second chance because not too many people get the chance to just leave one day and recreate your life.

I am the new me, the real me, the true me, The me that will never be sucked in again, the me that will love every body and see people as people, the me who will laugh and smile like i was born to, the me that will love God forever, the me that will love the Gospel of my church forever, the me that will love myself, the me that will always be me, the me that will always be a free spirit and soar throughout the skies. This is me and me i will forever be.


With love Arie <3