I can't

I can't help the feeling that I still get when I know I will see you,
I can't stop the muscles in my stomach from tightening,
or my hands from shaking and sweating,
I can't help that I am scared, and never know what to expect.
You left such a big mark on me, such a deep cut.
and although it is scabbed over, if you pick it, it will still bleed.
It may seem like I should be fully healed, but I'm not sure if I ever will be.
I think I will always dream of you, sometimes good and sometimes bad.
You are forever part of me, you shaped the way my life has turned out.
I can't help from staring at you when I see you,
I can't stop the memories of you're lips on my neck,
I can't stop the voices in my head that will tell me that I miss you,
I can't resist the urge to punch you.
I can't make myself hate you and I never can.
although it's been 2 years now, the thought of seeing you sends shivers down my spine.
I can't help the tears from falling or my heart from racing.
I can't be the girl who once loved you,
I can't put back together what was torn apart.
When I see you again my heart stops beating, my body trembles.
All the memories rush back, all the crushed dreams and broken promises are remembered.
You were once the drug that pumped through my veins,
I can't help that I was addicted to you
I can't stop the cravings that will enter in my mind.
I can't stop the wishes that you were by my side.
I can't fix you and I'll never be able to.
I can't control what you say to me,
I can't pretend like you won't be there tomorrow.
I can't read the chapter in the bible that has you're name
I can't read through my old journals without crying
You will forever be apart of me,
You will forever hold a spot in the back of my mind
I can't just forget