Reminisce

Sometimes you forget about your past for awhile,

you forget that so many things used to be wrong and crazy,

and you forget how miserable life used to be because life is so sweet now. 

But then there are those moments when you reach into the basket and fish something out 

that in an instant brings you back to a moment, 

to a feeling, to a memory that happened over two years ago. 

I reached into that basket and out of it I pulled an old notebook

A notebook that I wrote nasty letters to my parents

where I made lists of the reasons I should run away

and where I blamed them for my problems

It was a notebook filled with hate and with confusion.

Oh how blind I was,

I was traversing down a path of stupidity,

ditching my own family for another without thinking twice.

I was being brainwashed by my lover,

who would tell me what I should say

and why I should leave

He made me think my parents were the enemy

How could I have believed him?

Why did I want to choose him over my family?

I was lost, I was naive, I was in love

and I felt guilty, so I ran further into the fog

not knowing where I would be taken,

not caring about my future

All that mattered was that he loved me,

all that mattered was to be loved

to be kissed to be held.

All I ever wanted was love.

But it was a poison

he was the venom running through my blood

but he also had the antidote to ease the pain

I was addicted, addicted to his love

without him I would crumble

without him I would die,

I always had to have him.

He gave me the highest highs,

and the lowest lows

coming off of his drug was a struggle

I spent hours crying curled up in a ball

I knew he was my problem

I knew that once I could get over the withdrawl
Then everything would be better

But I wanted that venom in my system

It was what I was used to,

without it I felt cold and alone

But now its two years later,

and I am so glad I kicked my habit

its all behind me now,

yet there are these moments 

when the past comes back and 

the memories flood in, and the feelings emerge 

and the tears pour out

Because of him I was becoming evil

I became something I cannot even fathom

The person I was two years ago scares me

I never want to be that girl again

I will never forget my past

It has made me stronger

And in those moments 

when I reminisce 

I realize how grateful I am

for everything I have, and for who I have become

I am grateful for the people that saved me

and I will always remember what they did for me

And as for him,

I hope he gets help,

but for what is forgiven,

will never be forgotten.