Heading West
Here I come Provo, Today is the last day living on the East Coast for the next 6 months! I can't believe its already here and tomorrow is the beginning of my cross country road trip to Utah. You know life likes to throw you all sorts of directions, and the plans we make get torn apart and we have to reevaluate our lives and come up with something completely different then originally anticipated. Like this whole moving to Utah thing... not what I had in mind for my life right now.
I used to say I will never move to Utah, I will never live in Utah, I cannot stand living in Utah. And what ends up happening? I choose to move to Utah and not just Utah... but Provo, UT. The home of BYU, the land of the LDS. Everything I thought I would never want for a place to live ever, even if it was just six months. My life plan was to go on a mission, and you know I got pretty close to accomplishing that goal, I turned my papers in, I met with all the leaders that I needed to meet with, and I got my call to serve, but then it all just didn't end up working out based on a couple of things. But the main reason is that I just wasn't ready, I wasn't ready because I chose other things instead of serving a mission. The choices I made may not have been a part of my big grand plan of what I wanted for my life, but they were choices that I made subconsciously, choices I made with my heart instead of my head.
And you know some days I wish I had stayed the course and not let anything or anyone deter me from serving a mission. But looking back on it, I don't think I was ever 100% in the game of serving a mission. I wanted to go, that's no doubt, but I never felt like it was something I had to do. And when I got my mission call there was a mix of emotions, I was expecting to cry, to feel overjoyed to feel like that was my destiny, but I didn't feel any of those feelings, and to be honest I kind of felt let down and empty because I didn't feel that overjoyed rush of emotions that you see on the Youtube videos of girls opening their calls in front of friends and family. Maybe one day I will serve a 18 month mission for the church. But for now, that's not where "destiny" if you will has led me.
A lot of people probably think this phrase is stupid and a major cliche but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Not everything is a good thing that happens, and sometimes things really suck, like when I told my parents I was no longer going to be serving a mission. But you have to look at life through the big picture. Every experience shapes you, every mistake teaches you, every time you fall you get back up. And no matter how far down the wrong path you walk, you can always turn around and walk back.
In some way I think I guessed that this would happen, I kind of knew there was a possibility that I wouldn't serve a mission. One day I was sitting on the couch with a friend and I said to him, "If I don't go on a mission I am still going to take a little time away from school and go somewhere, maybe travel somewhere really cool or try to work at a wilderness in Utah," Famous last words. And guess what I am doing, trying to work at a Wilderness in Utah! Currently it looks like everything is on track for me to become part of one of the many amazing wilderness therapy programs in Utah, I have a training coming up later in the month of July and I am beyond thrilled for this amazing opportunity. Just like serving a mission I will be helping people get to a better place in their lives, I will be teaching them pretty much the principles of the gospel but without using God or Religion to define what I am saying. I will be helping heal broken hearts and broken spirits in the great and vast outdoors. Its kind of funny, I get more excited inside thinking about working at a wilderness then I did about serving a mission... I guess this is where my heart was meant to go.
This past week I've been such a bum, I have hardly done anything productive because part of me is really sad to leave all of my friends and family on the East Coast behind and to move to Utah. The hardest part is that I am leaving behind some people that I love and care about a lot, and there's the uncertainty of whether or not they will still be a part of my life when I leave and come back. Its always sad to lose touch with people you love, but its a part of life, people come in and out of your lives all the time. And like someone once told me, Everyone you meet and love is in your life for a reason, each one of them teaches you something different and sometimes once they've taught you what you need to know they move on out of your life, but you must always be grateful for the honor that you had to know them and to love them and for the amazing gifts of knowledge and love that they left behind for you to remember. And I am so grateful for all of my amazing friends who have shown me such love and compassion and shared their lives with me, no matter what happens or whether we stay close or fade away I will always cherish on to the love we shared, the tears we cried, the fits of laughter that left us rolling on the ground and the silly arguments we had that reminded me to be more open minded.
I hope Utah brings great learning lessons and good times these next six months. There will be a lot of smiles and a lot of tears no doubt(I am a pretty emotional person if you haven't noticed) But I am certain that when all is said in done and I head back East in the Winter that I will look back on my time out West with a smile(maybe of relief) but mostly of pride and thanks. Here's to the times to come!
Bring it on Utah.
love always,
Arianna
I used to say I will never move to Utah, I will never live in Utah, I cannot stand living in Utah. And what ends up happening? I choose to move to Utah and not just Utah... but Provo, UT. The home of BYU, the land of the LDS. Everything I thought I would never want for a place to live ever, even if it was just six months. My life plan was to go on a mission, and you know I got pretty close to accomplishing that goal, I turned my papers in, I met with all the leaders that I needed to meet with, and I got my call to serve, but then it all just didn't end up working out based on a couple of things. But the main reason is that I just wasn't ready, I wasn't ready because I chose other things instead of serving a mission. The choices I made may not have been a part of my big grand plan of what I wanted for my life, but they were choices that I made subconsciously, choices I made with my heart instead of my head.
And you know some days I wish I had stayed the course and not let anything or anyone deter me from serving a mission. But looking back on it, I don't think I was ever 100% in the game of serving a mission. I wanted to go, that's no doubt, but I never felt like it was something I had to do. And when I got my mission call there was a mix of emotions, I was expecting to cry, to feel overjoyed to feel like that was my destiny, but I didn't feel any of those feelings, and to be honest I kind of felt let down and empty because I didn't feel that overjoyed rush of emotions that you see on the Youtube videos of girls opening their calls in front of friends and family. Maybe one day I will serve a 18 month mission for the church. But for now, that's not where "destiny" if you will has led me.
A lot of people probably think this phrase is stupid and a major cliche but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Not everything is a good thing that happens, and sometimes things really suck, like when I told my parents I was no longer going to be serving a mission. But you have to look at life through the big picture. Every experience shapes you, every mistake teaches you, every time you fall you get back up. And no matter how far down the wrong path you walk, you can always turn around and walk back.
In some way I think I guessed that this would happen, I kind of knew there was a possibility that I wouldn't serve a mission. One day I was sitting on the couch with a friend and I said to him, "If I don't go on a mission I am still going to take a little time away from school and go somewhere, maybe travel somewhere really cool or try to work at a wilderness in Utah," Famous last words. And guess what I am doing, trying to work at a Wilderness in Utah! Currently it looks like everything is on track for me to become part of one of the many amazing wilderness therapy programs in Utah, I have a training coming up later in the month of July and I am beyond thrilled for this amazing opportunity. Just like serving a mission I will be helping people get to a better place in their lives, I will be teaching them pretty much the principles of the gospel but without using God or Religion to define what I am saying. I will be helping heal broken hearts and broken spirits in the great and vast outdoors. Its kind of funny, I get more excited inside thinking about working at a wilderness then I did about serving a mission... I guess this is where my heart was meant to go.
This past week I've been such a bum, I have hardly done anything productive because part of me is really sad to leave all of my friends and family on the East Coast behind and to move to Utah. The hardest part is that I am leaving behind some people that I love and care about a lot, and there's the uncertainty of whether or not they will still be a part of my life when I leave and come back. Its always sad to lose touch with people you love, but its a part of life, people come in and out of your lives all the time. And like someone once told me, Everyone you meet and love is in your life for a reason, each one of them teaches you something different and sometimes once they've taught you what you need to know they move on out of your life, but you must always be grateful for the honor that you had to know them and to love them and for the amazing gifts of knowledge and love that they left behind for you to remember. And I am so grateful for all of my amazing friends who have shown me such love and compassion and shared their lives with me, no matter what happens or whether we stay close or fade away I will always cherish on to the love we shared, the tears we cried, the fits of laughter that left us rolling on the ground and the silly arguments we had that reminded me to be more open minded.
I hope Utah brings great learning lessons and good times these next six months. There will be a lot of smiles and a lot of tears no doubt(I am a pretty emotional person if you haven't noticed) But I am certain that when all is said in done and I head back East in the Winter that I will look back on my time out West with a smile(maybe of relief) but mostly of pride and thanks. Here's to the times to come!
Bring it on Utah.
love always,
Arianna
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