My performance piece

This is my performance that I did for my Time Studio class at VCUarts. Its the only project I've done in that class that I am truly proud of, and I think its because I really put myself out there and created something that was true to me and from the heart. This piece is a representation of an abusive relationship, the words that the boy in the video is saying are words that were all actually spoken to me in the past by my ex. When we were given the project outlines I didn't originally think of doing something that was so personal, but after brainstorming a couple different ideas I decided that creating this piece was important for me. In a way creating this piece allowed me to relive the past and throw it away for good.

There are so many people who currently feel trapped in an unhealthy and abusive relationship. I know that for me when I was with him, I didn't think anything was wrong, I didn't think of him as abusive. But listening to the words that this video says, I can't believe how naive I was not to realize that no one should ever say those things to me. I am worth so much more than that, and so is everyone else, no one deserves to be spoken to in a demeaning way.

So let me tell you a little about the performance since the video quality isn't the best. The assignment was to create a performance piece that was at least 3 minutes long and had three different elements to it. My 3 elements are 1)The video of the guy speaking 2) the scene (The bedroom look and dramatic lighting) and 3) my performance in the space - looking at myself in the mirror, while listening to the video, and wiping away the bruises on my body while the video plays out. The reason I turned my back to the audience and had them see me through the mirror is because during the time that I was in an abusive relationship, I turned my back on my friends and family and I didn't let them in, I didn't let them see what was really going on, they only saw a reflection, a figment of who I was and what was happening. I also wanted to face to wall with the video playing, I wanted him to be speaking directly to me, overpowering me with the size of his body and the weight of his voice, because while in that relationship, I was nothing, and he was everything.
I did my makeup to look like I had been beaten up, although I was never actually hit in my relationship, the bruises represent all of the emotional damage caused and all of the pain he put me through. Wiping away those bruises meant that I was freeing myself from him, that I was finally getting away. At the end of the video I rip the shirt I am wearing(Which is the same shirt that he is wearing in the video) this action represents the final decision to rid myself of him forever, to throw him away, to walk away and never come back.

This performance piece was really powerful for me, because the words that I heard him speak, brought back the real words which were once spoken to me, the performance was me reliving a real event from the past and proving to him that I am better, that I am stronger, that he can never have me and control me again. It was really satisfying and kind of therapeutic to do this, and I hope that people who watch it are able to connect and feel something and think about abusive relationships a little more.