Faith

I tend to avoid talking about my religion in public, at school, and with new people that I am meeting and getting to know. Maybe I feel like they will judge me when they hear that I'm Mormon, maybe they won't want to be my friend, but if someone were to judge me and not be my friend based on my faith then they aren't the type of person I need in my life.

Sharing my views on my blog is a way for me to share my faith and get it out there also it helps me to be less afraid of what people think of me, but instead of just throwing it out there that I am Mormon, I want to tell you about my faith, my beliefs and what it all means to me personally. I'm not writing this to convince any one there is a God, faith is a choice, joining a church is a choice, not believing in any God or higher power is a choice. We are all free to choose whatever path we want to go down, be it wrong or right, good or evil.

Anyways, I've been thinking about my beliefs today, and for fellow LDS members, my thoughts to share this were sparked by Institute, and reading the Book of Mormon which led to the feeling that I should write it down and share it with the world, or who ever stumbles upon my blog (cough, cough.. My Mom) Brother Jansen who is our teacher recounted one of the General Conference talks from this spring by Elder Jeffery R. Holland entitled "Lord, I Believe" 

And this got me thinking, What can I say that I know and believe?

I know that there is a God. I don't just believe this, I know it. How?
Well I know that 4,572 multiplied by 154 is 704,088. Now how did I get this answer? Well I could not achieve the correct answer by myself, I do not happen to posses the mathematical genius of some of my fellow men and women. Instead I relied upon a calculator to tell me the correct answer. I trust what the calculator says, it has been designed and tested by many before me, but do I really know that the answer is going to be 704,088. No. But I have faith in my calculator. The Book of Mormon is the calculator that provides the answers to my questions. Not only do I rely on the Book of Mormon, but also on the Bible, the Pearl of Great price and the Doctrine of Covenants, which together make the quadruple combination or "standard works" that we read in my Church. I also rely on the fellow members of my church, who share their own feelings and testimonies of the Gospel with me and the entire congregation if they so choose.

I have not always believed there was a God.

I too, have questioned whether or not God even exists. But how could I ever know, unless I asked, through prayer. I went through a stage in my angsty teen years, when I was so depressed and angry at the world that there just couldn't be a God... "if God loved me, he wouldn't let me feel like this, he would save me, he would help, and he wouldn't let bad things happen to good people." Those are some of the thoughts I had before. Of course when awful things occur in the world, it is easy to stop believing in God. The murder of hundreds, of children, the wars that will never end. Why would God let that happen?

The reason why, is because some people decided to be assholes, to choose to be evil, and to make bad choices. God created all of us with agency  which is the ability to choose what we want. God doesn't want people to kill each other, or to fight, or steal and lie and cheat and do all sorts of things we as a society deem wrong. Bad things will always happen, there is no way to change that, you can only change yourself.
But after awhile of disbelief in God, I became more depressed. My faith used to be my rock, and I let it crumble and be washed away by the floods of murky and evil waters that enveloped me in darkness and left me without much hope left.

I was at the edge of despair, and that is when I started to pray. Not anything like a memorized Catholic prayer. But I talked directly to my Heavenly Father, without knowing if anyone was up there to hear me, but I did it anyway.
I pleaded, I cried, I yelled and screamed. I told him everything. I prayed for relief, for my sadness to end, for my family to heal, for my then boyfriend to be okay, I prayed that my dog wouldn't get ran over, I prayed to know for sure that God was there, and I prayed for the strength to get through the day.
It wasn't like an over night answer. I didn't just pray once and then BAM, God answered me. I prayed every day and every night for the 3 long months I was in wilderness. The most I'd ever prayed in my whole life combined.
 
I never had an eye awakening answer to the question of is God real? But when my questions and longings and wants that I had never told anyone else about, started to be answered in small and simply yet powerful ways, I knew that it wasn't just an accident. God heard me, He comforted me, and I felt his love. I was once singing "I am a Child of God" and adding my own verses to the song, when I could hear and feel like someone else was singing with me, but not singing the same lines, answering them in return saying "You are my child, and I love you with all my heart" That day I was feeling lonely, when I started singing, I felt warm and cared for, and like someone was hugging me.

I know there is a God.

I also know that if you want to know, and if your searching, just pray, continually.


with love, Arianna <3 p="">
please comment and share your thoughts below :)

2Nephi 10:24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^areconcile yourselves to the^bwill of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the ^cgrace of God that ye are ^dsaved.

I read this scripture today.